Struggling With “Child Defiant Behavior?”
Struggling with “Child Defiant Behavior”? “Oppositional Defiance Disorder” making your home and your life a living hell?
Adolescence brings about great changes in children (and in families)! As youngsters go through the natural and necessary process of figuring out who they are, and what’s their place in the world and of distancing themselves from their parents, great turmoil is often created.
Previously cooperative, pleasant kids can become argumentative and difficult, uncommunicative, sullen, disrespectful, and defiant. Even though you love them completely, and you’re supporting them, and still responsible for their actions, and you’re trying your best to guide them and help them become strong and independent, they insist on defying you and your rules.
They anger easily, behave aggressively, intentionally bother and irritate others, blame others for their own mistakes, and deliberately initiate discord, among other things.
What to do? Too big and too old to spank, too young to make them leave the house—but they’re turning your life into a nightmare of conflict, worry and anger.
There are probably about as many ideas as there are therapists & counselors, and each child and family dynamic is different, so approaches and techniques that work for one set of parents and teens may not work for another set. Here are a few ideas and concepts:
1. Despite the fact that your son or daughter deliberately pushes your buttons, it’s important not to lose your own temper, which just puts your child in control and gives him or her a win. Stay calm and consistent. It will take some practice, but it’s very effective, and will be really confusing to your teen.
2. Recognize that if something you’re doing isn’t working, then you need to look for a different strategy. There are usually several different ways to accomplish what you want, so talk to a professional or at least spend some time on the Internet looking for an alternate.
3. Recognize that your teen is going to act out now and then. It just comes with the territory. You don’t need to battle over every single issue. Some battles can be sidestepped, so that your teen doesn’t see you as battling him over every little thing. Save some of your powder for larger, more important battles.
4. Despite their protestations, teenagers really need and want structure and consistency, so set reasonable rules, then stick with your decisions. Don’t give in—it makes it that much harder the next time. “Yes” has to mean “yes”, and “No” has to mean “no”, or neither one means anything.
5. Teenagers need guidance. Defiance and hostile behavior is really a cry for help when your teenager is facing a situation or situations he doesn’t know how to handle. Find out what’s going in his or her life. Try to understand the situation and your child and provide the appropriate guidance. Of course, before you rush in with advice, LISTEN, and ask questions, and see if you can guide the child to discover the answer on his own.
These topics are dealt with in depth in the most useful resource we’ve found– No Nonsense Parenting You’ll learn how to discipline without guilt, how to handle disrespect without yelling, how to stay sane, and how to bring peace back to your home.
The cause of “Oppositional Defiant Disorder” (ODD), or “Child Defiant Behavior” isn’t really known. Some experts believe it stems from incomplete development. The child somehow never completes the development that most children master at 2-3 years old. Others believe that it’s a response to interactions perceived as negative, coming from parental and other authority figures.
What does seem to be true is that the a majority of ODD teenagers have, or develop, some other problem, such as ADD, ADHD, Bipolar Disorder, Anxiety, or Learning Disorders. It’s important to determine any co-existing issues, so that proper treatment, including possible medication, can be implemented. In some studies, Ritalin has been found very effective in treating ODD coupled with ADHD.
Living with a defiant child is difficult, but making sure your child has any other issues addressed, and working to improve your own parenting skills will do a lot to help you, your child, and your family.
